why

I don't feel like doing things that need to be done.  I don't really want to go out today, even though I know I should.  I don't feel right today.  I know there's something wrong.  Maybe I spend too much time inside.  But going out means spending money - money we don't have.
It's times like this I want immediate results.  I NEED to be skinnier.  I NEED a new face.  I NEED a new personality; a new life.  I love my son and I wouldn't trade him for anything.  So what's wrong with me?!  I listen to music that expresses how I feel and it kind of makes me feel better, but in the back of my mind I know better.  I should be listening to uplifting music.
I should be doing a lot of things I'm not.  I should be praying and reading scriptures and encouraging my husband to come to church with me and making my house a House of God, but I'm a failure at all of that, too.  I'm trying to get myself in order but I don't know if that's even possible.  I always feel torn in two.  And I'm not sure which is me.  I think they're both me.  So how do I tell myself I don't like you and you need to change and still feel good about myself?
It's just one of those days.  My stretch relaxation went well last night.  I should exercise today before it gets too late and I don't feel like doing it anymore.  I was hoping to walk around with a friend, but no one's available.  And if I'm going to be alone at least I won't stink like dirt. 
I had pineapple tidbits for breakfast and a glass of milk.  I'll have a garden pasta with light italian dressing and water for lunch.  Hopefully these things will help me not feel so bad about myself.  I wish I could say everything I'm feeling, but I'm not that anonymous.
Wish me better.