and have always assumed I'm stuck up. When really it's just that I'm shy and awkward around people. I never know what to say. And some people make my brain just close down all together. And that sucks. I just want to be able to talk to her. I wish I knew what to say. I'm tired of this fear gripping me, wrapping around me so tight, until I look like I don't want to have anything to do with her, which is the furthest thing from my mind.
I don't feel like I have anything to offer her, either. She has friends, so she doesn't need that from me. Probably wouldn't want it, either. She doesn't need makeup, so work is out. And she doesn't need love. I'm sure there are already plenty of people who love her, aside from her family. She has no need of me.
Last night was absolutely fantastic! And yet, I still couldn't say anything to her.
Of course I'm crying right now and feeling lame and pathetic. If I had a tenth of my mom's talking ability I could be okay. But I don't even have a hundredth. I know I'm going to start shaking soon. Knowing I'll be around her.
And she is beautiful.
