and yet, nothing changes. I'm still the same loser I was before, only now - I'm alone. I now have two boys; one is 12, the other is almost 4. Those are the only boys I will ever have in my life, for the rest of my life.
And it's not like it's of my own choosing. I'm crushing so hard right now. And I would love to get to know him better. But it will never happen. I gave him my phone number and asked him to text me and he didn't. It's the first and last time I'll ever give someone my phone number. I feel like a complete loser. I'm pathetic. I know no one wants me. At this point, I'm only alive for my boys.
Apparently, I'm not worthy love. And at this point, I figure I'm not worthy of food, either. I have thought of starving myself to get thin or purging (more my style). Something has to happen. My husband didn't want me. I put on extra weight, that I couldn't get off, having our boys. So now, I'm a fat, single mom with two boys. And it's not like I have looks or personality going for me that would make someone overlook my weight. I'm so damn awkward it's sad.
I'm just so crushed and broken right now. I come home from work and sleep. I don't want to be awake because I just think about him. And it's painful.
No comments:
Post a Comment